Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

I was going to start reviewing the books in order of their publishing date but I happened to already have this one on hand so why shouldn't I begin with it? lol So I will be doing an in-depth review of this book in my post. If you haven't read it, please be forewarned that spoilers abound lol

So okay the gist of the story is that Jessie and Lizzie are going to a new school called - what else?! - Sweet Valley Junior High. (Such original names in this town I know, lol) Basically, they have been "rezoned" (a word dropped copiously in just the first few chapters) and will be two of the very few sent to SVJH. This means no Todd, no Lila, no Unicorn Club members. THE HORROR!

It would admittedly be intimidating going to a new school where you don't know anyone really but Jessica takes it in stride and is even excited about it while Liz, the worrywort, is sure that its going to blow chunks. And with a little twist of irony, you can easily imagine what happens next. Liz ends up loving it and Jessica ... not so much!

There is this new fad in the books to do a) the POVs in first person (oddly, its alright but the girls don't sound very Wakefield-like) and b) to do schedules to show exactly what everyone is up to at 6:45, 7:25, et al. These are some choice ones:

6:19 AM - Jessica French-braids her hair.

Very exciting stuff, huh?

6:25 AM - Jessica places her hair in a bun.

Woo the plot thickens.

6:35 AM - Jessica is in the kitchen, cleaning out her backpack from last
year ... "What is that?" Elizabeth asks, pointing to a greenish square
Jessica has put on the counter.

"It used to be a ham sandwich," Jessica says. "Now it has its own
ecosystem, complete with foodchain."

Say WHAT?! Since when does brain-dead Jess have any idea what an ecosystem is? Already I am sensing the series is going to be way different than the other ones (or I would be sensing it if I hadn't already read 4 other books in the series in the past and knew for sure things would be way different).

7:15 AM - Salvador wakes up, looks at the clock, says something in Spanish not
printable here - and leaves for school still wearing the teeshirt he slept in.

Adios mios!

Now who is this Salvador, you ask? Well he's no Bruce or Todd that's for sure. So far, as of chapter 3, he sounds like a little turd. He is not very nice to his bestest bestie of all time, Anna. Anna who I don't get a clear mental picture of at all initially. Just that she may be an insecure, needy tomboy.

The twins get to school for the first time. Awkward locker assignment for Jessica; she has to share with some kid named Reese or Ronald or whatever who is obsessed with prime numbers and quarks. Why do the nerds always have to obsessed with quarks?

Liz makes friends with her locker partner Brian right away. He sounds cute and friendly but right away, she only has eyes for Salvador, who flirts with her shamelessly and she blushes and does all that girly mumbo jumbo.

Jessica goes to class, feels like an idiot, feels like a geek. The girl she wants to be friends with, Lacey, is a beeyotch so that hurts Jessica and there are some vague references to "Pineapple Heads". Urgh. So far I am none too impressed with this line of books. Liz and Jess don't seem like themselves at all. They must have switched bodies again. Invasion of the Wakefield Snatchers. (Eww that sounds dirty!)

The twins appear to have no classes together and P.E. is ironically a big adventure for Elizabeth who's new friend Anna is not wearing a sports bra which the gym teacher points out to her humiliation. They use the word "breasts" in a SV book. I could keel over from shock right now, seriously. I think SV only used the word breast one other time and that rocked the world too. And then the plot thickens unexpectedly! Anna doesn't wear bras yet so Lizzie suggests they skip school and go get one. Again, who is this Liz Wakefield? She may still be blonde and beautiful, but she's no Elizabeth I know.

So Elizabeth and Anna Banana go on a bra hunt. Elizabeth mentions the words "cramps". As in menstrual cramps. I didn't know SV-ers even knew the meaning of the words. Its a shock, especially with Liz talking so freely about it. Anna thinks about someone named Tim, who I assume is her mom's new BF or husband and he don't sound that friendly.

The lady at the House of Lingerie where they go is rude as of course all bra salespersons must be *RME* Anna is changing when Salvador himself shows up. Awkward comedy ensues. No, really bad humor. Just baddd. Who wrote this book? A chimpanzee? I think they could even do it better. So far I am terribly disappointed in this series. Its the weakest link. Goodbye.

Or not. Cause I am determined to persevere and make it through although at page 52 I am already thinking a lobotomy would be more stimulating.

Next day, Jessica goes to P.E. and that weird gym teacher Ms. Scarlett talks about periods and menstruating. My god, what is the world coming to?!! lol

This post will be in 2 parts. I will publish part 2 later in the morning or afternoon. Thanks!

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